Thursday, January 6, 2011

Will This Work?

First let me say for all to hear, I am about as able a blogger as the mythical Big Foot if he was given a laptop. Fat chance. I'm not even sure I'm doing the right thing at the right place; I think I'm going to need help, partners. Marisa... Brittany...

Life has been more than a little distressing for me the last couple of weeks. Longing for years for a position in full time ministry and having been lead to what I believed was the very position where I could truly be God's hands and feet, all of my hopes and dreams and prayers (and position) crumbled and fell around my ankles like "twin towers" concrete and steel.

Tired, hurt, broken, I asked God "why", and I instantly "feared" the weeks ahead with no job, no prospects of a job (a commodity hard to come by these days), and no earthly comprehension of how I was going to pay my bills, including my mortgage, past January.

My head has ached and my stomach knotted with the prospect of losing everything I had built (maybe acquired is a better word). And I wondered, how could the senior pastor and a committee of church members do such a thing to me when all I had ever wanted was to serve -- the church? How could they release me -- fire me, actually -- three days before Christmas when I had worked so hard for them? What a kick in the pants. Merry Christmas to me.

Then I remembered a conversation I had had with God several weeks earlier that has stuck with me like expelled chewing gum on the bottom of my sneakers. Two little nuggets of scripture raced through my thoughts like tag-teaming squirrels racing nuts up a tree -- "where your treasure is" and "no one can serve two masters". A realization had become instantly clear to me in those moments of quiet-- I couldn't take any of my possessions with me when I died, so why was any of it of any importance to me while I was here?

The fact is, in my heart I had been longing for a simpler, less complicated and encumbering existence. How much more could I give God if there was less in my life to deal with? Was God setting the stage for that "simpler life of service" even through a dismissal from the very place I thought I was meant to serve?

It hasn't been easy, these last two weeks. But just when I think I can't handle one more thing -- you know, the mortgage, the bills, the job -- God pulls me close. This morning, it was through TV evangelist Joyce Meyers. The remote flipped to her speaking directly to me. She didn't know that but I did. Take a few minutes to read Deuteronomy 8 and all three chapters of Habakkuk:

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the live crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.

The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes me feet like the feet of the deer, he enables me to go on the heights."

God riches blessings to all who seek Him! Nance


Anonymous said...

Nancy, You came to my mind several times this week, and I said a prayer each time. I'm so sorry, friend... I think you would be an awesome asset to the Saturday nite group. We sure would love for ya to come back this Saturday. We love you friend. -- Faith

Marisa and Brittany said...

Faith, you are such a sweet, wonderful friend! I'm so thankful for you... FYI, You and Nancy both are wonderful assets to our Saturday night group!!

Love ya, Marisa