Thursday, February 3, 2011

Wild Pony Kind of Faith

 Have you ever stepped out on faith to do something I mean REALLY stepped out on faith?? I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately. My “stepping out on faith” resembles a compulsive accountant who has to have all of her ducks in a row before venturing out to try something new. Or is that really who I am??

I didn’t think much about going to New York City by myself for several weeks one summer I just jumped in the car and went to this foreign place with foreign people (literally the church I attended had 65 different nationalities represented) and I had a GREAT time.

I lived with the most amazing family in Queens. They will forever be treasured friends! I’ve grown to love the Nitchman family very much!

I took a GPS (Gabby) that belonged to my parents along and the two of us saw everything I ever dreamed of seeing. I even DROVE downtown New York City... something the locals rarely would consider doing, but I loved it. Gabby was my tour guide and she never let me down. I would punch in, for example, “Empire State Building” and she directed me to my desired destination every time. In fact, if I decided to park my car and walk I would merely set Gabby on walk mode and together we found everything (Central Park, Donald Trump Towers, the American Museum of Natural History, Serendipity 3, Manhatten, and of course some amazing shopping).

On one of my “road trips” I decided to drive along the beach. I came up over a small hill and around a curve in the road, just under a bridge and there She was. I didn’t expect to see Her and when I did, immediate tears filled my eyes. Seeing the Statue of Liberty is something I’ve wanted to do since I was a little girl. I couldn’t take my eyes off of Her and I was DRIVING!! So, I pulled off to the side of the road to take it all in. My trips included one to South Hampton (wow rugged beauty like I’ve never seen before).

Anyway, what I’m trying to say is if I didn’t believe I could do it and allowed fear to take over, I wouldn’t have had this experience. I would have been the loser. The sites, smells (not so pleasant always:), the food, and most importantly the people are forever etched in my heart and I will never forget NYC!

Another exercise of tremendous faith for me was my solo trip to the Highlands of Ecuador last summer. This trip was difficult because my dad was very ill and I nearly cancelled, but my mom insisted she would “keep dad alive” until I returned home. Though I appreciated her efforts, I still felt a yearning to be home to be with him. Perhaps one day I’ll go back under different circumstances because I met some of the most precious people and learning a new culture was very exciting for me. My host family was very beautiful. I slept in the same room with my little “sisters” and they prayed for me every night. My Ecuadorian family and I will always have kindred spirits and we’ll always keep in touch with one another.

The point is I DID IT! And, I did it alone with faith believing God was with me.

So, I guess I can exercise faith at times and then there are other times I sink back into my shell in fear that if I make a wrong move it could mess up my life forever. As I chatted with my husband about all of this, we concluded that our fears come out of the hurts and pains we’ve experienced in life and therefore, it’s much more difficult to “make a move” on faith because all of the “what ifs” surface and then the fear paralyzes us. I then revert back to the “having all of my ducks in a row” mentality and unfortunately, with a mind-set like this living is much more difficult to do. At least it is for me. I fully understand there are “ducks in a row” people who are perfectly happy that way. But, when you’re a “wild pony,” as my dad often referred to me, thinking I have to have everything just so before I make my move is recipe for a miserable life.

Well, this wild pony has been tied to a post for too long now. I guess it’s time to scatter the ducks and start LIVING! Hmmmm I wonder what God, faith, and my adventuresome spirit (not to mention an extraordinarily supportive husband) has in store for me now??

Can’t wait!! Bring it on


1 comment:

abi said...

Nice! I didn't know that you blogged! And I remember you talking about "Gabby"... It was very fun to have you stay with us. And I look forward to seeing you again! :D Abi